Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Well I went to the Dr. yesterday and explained my symptoms and how I haven't been able to be out of bed for more than 6 hours per day and that is a good day! Also how I have had migraines everyday. I just feel like my legs and arms weigh 100 pounds each and it is all I can do to jsut walk around, let alone try to do my job! Oh and the short term memory loss really sucks! Poor Aaron has to repeat himself either I don't remember what he said or I don't remember asking my questions! All my test results from my pcp were normal, no mono, thyroid level normal and also blood panel and a bunch of other tests. So he agreed with me that this is all symptoms from my Lupron injections. He agreed that 3 more months of this would just be pure torture and that is not a good idea. He said I will probably feel like crap for a few more weeks and also gave me some estrogen pills to try to give me back more energy. I started those yesterday and already feel better today, or is this just a good day? I will probably start making estrogen around the middle of this month, but could feel residual effects for a few months after due to the way it compounded in my system and got worse each month. So we agreed that this shot in March was my last one. We are hoping that this was all I needed to get my infertility taken care of along with the surgery I had in July. So as soon as I get my period back and other fertility signs we will be hitting the TTC hard! So I at least have the end in sight from this Hell I have been living in. I really need to feel better, I need to get back to work and make some money. I have 2 partys to plan and pay for in June, my sisters graduation party from dental hygiene and my mother-in-laws surprise 50th birthday party. Not to mention my grandmothers surprise 90th birthday party is April 24th and I am in charge of the decorations. Both of the June partys are at my house so that has to be in order, and my two older sisters are comming in from out of state for both the April and June parties and will be staying at my house, so needless to say I have wayyyy too much to do to be sick and in bed! Well hopefully this will be a quick recovery from the brink of death, at least thats how it felt! WOO HOO the end is in sight!!!!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Is this over yet??

This sucks!!! I want out. I feel like a foreigner inside my own body. I am not happy at all. I just want out!! My head hurts everyday and I am soooo tired. I have missed so much work and at this point wouldn't be surprised if I lost my job tomorrow. I want to sleep 12-14 hours a day. I have hot flashes almost every hour. I am having a little anxiety that started after I started the antidepressant, it has diminished as the level of medication has evened out in my body. The thing that hasn't changed yet is my depression. I am so unhappy. I know I have a great life and a wonderful husband and a job others would love to have, but I am still unhappy. I am still sad when i hear things, see things, think of things, and now to top it all off I am depressed about feeling horrible. I hate myself for having migraines, I hate that I can't just ignore them and go to work, I hate that I don't want to go to work. I think that my thyroid level is low again and my synthroid need increased also. I have an appointment with a new PCP on Friday, but with the disappointment of my last PCP I am not holding my breath that this one will make me any better. I just don't know what is causing what. Is it depression, menopause, hypothyroid, or what?? I just wish it would all just go away and I would feel normal, no migraines everyday, no hot flashes, no total exhaustion, just normal. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just take a bottle of pills and call it a night....or a life. I would never do it, but i can't help but think it would be easier than living life like this for ever and putting my poor husband through this. He is so awesome and deserves so much more. Like to be the father he always wanted to be.... But I guess I just have to deal with the hand I was dealt. At this point I am almost half way through this menopause, I took my third shot on Saturday so I feel like if I give up now I will have done this all for nothing. At the very least I hope I will come out of this with no job and having felt like total shit for 6 months, but my fertility will be reestablished and I will be able to start the family I have always wanted. But i guess it could always be worse. Sorry, this ends my pitty party.

Monday, March 8, 2010


Last week was a real killer. I had a horrible migraine the whole week. I missed almost the whole week from work. I went to the Chiropractor twice last week! I also broke down and called my OB/GYN and asked for an antidepressant. I just feel sad all the time, tears spring to my eyes from t.v. commercials, the radio, things people say, even my own thoughts. I also would rather stay in bed all day than do anything at all. So I think that I just need this to get me through this time in my life. The hot flashes are about the same, I get them up to once every 45min but then also will go up to 3 hours without one. I still get them more at night, but taking Ambien helps me to not wake up with every one. So far my sweet husband has been dealing well with my mood swings and down right bitchiness! Just 3 and a half more months of this.Thank God!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Hot flashes

Well i started having hot flashes a week ago. They SUCK!! Around Friday or Saturday I started having them during the night, and just about every hour. That really sucks! So I either wake up to uncover or I wake up to cover back up cause I am cold! Other than that I took my second shot on Thursday, really kicked those hot flashes up a notch! I also started my period, but just spotting for like 9 days, normal is like light- med 3-4 days. Also my family is starting to tell I am more bitchy, my sister pointed it out and my husband agreed. But for now hubby is just ignoring it, and not snapping back....yet! But other than the first 2 days of my "period" I haven't had any migraines. Hope fully this is all of the symptoms that I will be getting with this menopause.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

What a Week

This week has been just horrible. I have had a sinus/cough/throat/headache/bodyache thing and have missed work all week. Not good. But I went to the Dr yesterday not strep throat (thank God) but some other sinusitis/tonsillitis/pharyngitis thing. I started on antibiotics yesterday and around 3 o'clock today I was starting to feel better. Woo Hoo! I am bound and determined to get back to work tomorrow, with my Dr's excuse in hand, so I will be going to bed early tonight since this snow and wind is not letting up and my 1 hour commute will be a bit longer I am guessing. No symptoms from the shot and it is getting time to order my next shot, so hopefully this will be better than I thought it would be.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Felt just horrible on Friday. Terrible migraine and nausea, also didn't sleep well Thurs night up every hour for about 10-15 min each time. I have had the nausea on and off for the past few days. Read that can be a symptom of the Lupron. Other than that I have found that if I take at least half a !)mg Ambien that I will be able to get a full nights sleep and not play the wake up game.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

WOW yesterday was bad. good day at work but about 3/4 way through it started getting a migraine, just got worseon my hour long drive home. puked when i got home then took a 2 hour long nap on an ice pack. still had a little bit of a migraine on my drive to work today but got better after this morning. Not quite sure where it came from, but it could have been the new job. Hopefully I adjust quickly, cause these migraines are getting a little old! other than that no other symptoms that could be attributed to the Lupron.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

day 5

WOW yesterday sucked. I was soooo tired on my way home form work and it was all I could do to shower and go to bed. Also I started to get a migraine on my way home from work so by the time 7:00 rolled around I was definitely hurting. So I was in bed sleeping by 8:15pm! But I woke up feeling much better today and have felt great all day. Much more energy today and this evening after work. Can't wait for the weekend and just relaxin and my nieces 1st bday party Sunday. Hope I am finally over this migraine business this month.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 3

Today is day 3 of this journey. I woke up at 4am with a killer migraine. Relpax didn't do anything for it. I ended up having to call in sick to work, not good at a new job. I went to the Chiropractor and got an adjustment, that seemed to help. I figured I was probably due for one as I have had a migraine or neck pain for the last 5 days. Yippee fun. Hopefully the rest of this week is uneventful.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Day 2, no signs or symptoms from the shot. Super tired today but I think that is from my first "real day at my new job. I will get used to it and hopefully the tiredness goes away and doesn't stick around with the shot.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Today was the day after my first shot. I woke up with a terrible migraine headache. I am not sure if this is related to the shot or to the fact that I get menstrual migraines and I was on my period when I started the shot or the stress of starting this process, or all of the above. I hope this was just a fluke and I will be migraine free during this menopause. Something that I am really looking forward to as my migraines are hormone related and mostly centered around my menstrual cycle. So hopefully no menstruation, no migraine. Wish me luck with this one.

This is me

Hello, my name is Jackie I am 27years old and was diagnosed with primary infertility due to Stage four endometriosis in July 2009. My husband and I have been married since May 28, 2005, I am an RN in surgery and we have a dog and 2 cats. My journey began in September 2008 when my wonderful husband Aaron and I decided to try for our first child. I had gotten off of the pill June 2007 so I could ensure that I would get pregnant as soon as we started trying. I had also started charting my cycle using the natural family planning method so I could be assured of my most fertile days and get pregnant immediately. November of 2008 I went to my OB/GYN for my annual exam and presented him with the information that I had a short luteal phase of only 9 days. It was then that he started me on Prometrium a progesterone replacement to be taken after ovulation until menstruation. I then thought OK , THIS will be it we will now get pregnant. March 2009 my Dr decided to do a sperm analysis on my husband which came out great, nothing wrong with him. Then in July of 2009 I had surgery, on the hunch my Dr had that I had endometriosis. I underwent a Laparoscopy, Hysteroscopy, D&C, and Tubal Lavage. I was convinced that he had to be wrong as I had none of the symptoms of endo. Well turned out I was wrong. I had extensive endo covering my colon, ureters, bladder and other vital structures in my pelvis. The good news was that my tubes were wide open and no endo on my ovaries which he said were "beautiful". But the bad news was that due to where the endo was located he wasn't able to remove most of the lesions for fear of perforating something and causing a real problem. While he talked to my husband after surgery he mentioned Invitro Fertilization as our best bet to achieve a pregnancy. My husband and I were devastated. I went through the whole grieving process, denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, etc. you name it I thought it. I then decided to do research. Unfortunately nothing really promising is out there for the treatment of endo, they really don't even know why it causes infertility in someone like me, where the processes of ovulation is working and nothing is blocking the passage of the egg. There are theories but they are just theories not facts. My Dr suggested treatment with Lupron Depot injections monthly for 6 months to put me into pseudo-menopause and essentially choke out the remaining endo which feeds off of estrogen. This is also just a theory with about a 50/50 response from Dr's as to whether it is effective in reestablishing fertility or not. My husband and I decided to wait and try on our own for a few more months after the surgery hoping that the surgery was enough to get things in working. Which brings me to now. Here it is January24, 2010. Last night I gave myself my first shot of Lupron Depot.This blog is my journal of this trip through my infertility and treatment. Also my journey through pseudo-menopause at the age of 27. If no one reads this that is fine but if you find this and it helps you in any way that is really great and what I am really hoping for.